Thursday, January 26, 2012

Harsh Tones and unpleasant words

I have been battling about this post. It has been on my heart  for a while now but I have tried to avoid it, knowing that it would most likely upset someone I love very much, but God put it on my heart and by avoiding it, it has gotten heavier and more and more consumes my thoughts. I have been praying mainly asking for God to give me something else to blog about but this still remained.  I have finally come to terms with this and so I’m obeying God and blogging about it.

Changing how I engage with my friends and family has been a challenge for me.  I grew up in a family that was demeaning and degrading in their speech. Even though it was not intended to harm, it was an everyday thing. Second nature if you will, I don’t believe they realized what they were saying. Name calling was a part of the daily language just as hello and goodbye are. To be put down and called names in a joking manner was normal.

 I don’t believe they realized how damaging it truly was and still is. To poke fun of another person about things they have no control over, such as body parts, a walk, size, etc., is horribly demeaning to the one on the receiving end of the jokes. What seems funny to one when it has to do with body issues is not a laughing matter to the one that is being poked fun at. 

 I’m not trying to put my family down in any way and if it seems that I am doing that, please know that’s not my intention. I love my family very much and there are many wonderful things about them, I’m blessed to have them in my life. Nonetheless this is about changing my speech.

As a result of the second nature harmless in their intentions but damaging on the recipient I have many issues with the way I look and feel about myself. I have prayed many times about this and even though the issues are still there I was determined to not fall into the same rut with my daughter. That set my feet on my current path of gentleness. 

 I fall short often; unlearning a bad habit that has been instilled in you from well before you can remember is much harder than one may think. I am working on the tone of my voice and I’m making progress. I’m consciously trying to keep my voice down and be sweeter and gentle in my tone. I have noticed when I am able to achieve this, my children react much better.   If I catch myself talking to loud and my tone is too harsh, I try to readjust it to a more soothing level and tone. I feel better about myself when I do this and the more I do it the easier it is. I keep repeating to myself, a soft voice turneth away wrath.  I don’t call names or put down as much as I use to but it still sneaks in from time to time without me even noticing it.  This behavior is something I do not want to see carry its ugly head into the families of my children and children’s children. It’s a nasty cycle that must end now. 

It is my hope and prayer to be a motivator for my children to be kind and loving and to encourage others, not to break them down unknowingly with their words and tone.

God Bless,
Photo source google images

This is going to be a series I am doing to have running record of how God is changing me for the better!

 I am linked up at:


Mrs. Jenny Buzzard said...

I know exactly how you feel. I have had very much the same experience with my family. Thanks for posting this.

Joyfull said...

Thank you so much for sharing! I also came from a family who didn't choose their words or tones carefully. One of my greatest battles is to speak positive,encouraging words to my family. Praying for God's words and grace to flow from our hearts into our homes and families.

Tammy said...

Joyfull you are most welcome. It's hard to change something that has been implamented from birth but with God's grace and love we can do it!

Tammy said...

Mrs. Jenny this seems to be a sad popular things nowadays. Leaning on God for wisdom and guidance is even more important. Breaking old chains that bind us can be done through prayer and fasting, God is changing people's hearts and it's a beatiful thing.